When I Look to the Sky
by ArwenSol
Summary: [Songfic] Duty calls, and Kenshin must leave on a mysterious mission. But goodbyes never get easier and Kaoru wonders if this farewell might end up being forever. Will love be enough to help Kenshin find his way home?
1. 1

**Standard Disclaimers Apply  
**Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

* * *

**When I Look to the Sky...  
**(A Songfic)

* * *

_**When it rains it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…**_

Spring came again, inevitably with the steady turning of the earth, and this year brought with it soft showers that soon turned into an unrelenting torrent.

"I hate monsoon season," Kaoru grumbled, setting down another empty can beneath yet another leaky rafter. Nudging it with her foot till the dripping water fell into the container rather than onto her floor, she watched it fill steadily; the plinking sound of water dripping into various buckets, cups and cans around her creating an almost lyrical music.

"Whine, whine," a low nonchalant voice say from the far corner of the room and Kaoru turned to glare at Sano sitting arms and legs crossed on the floor, the splintered remains of a toothpick wedged between his teeth.

"Better than being a freeloader," she said haughtily, sliding open the outside shoji screen to toss out a bucketful of water.

"Hey! Watch where you're throwing that!" Yahiko's voice called angrily and Kaoru had the grace to look chagrined though only for a moment.

"You were wet anyway, baka! Didn't I tell you take and umbrella?" she scolded, hands on her hips, her expression not the least bit sorry.

Yahiko refrained from answering, since that's exactly what she'd said earlier, and stalked past to get a towel and some dry clothes. Looking at the tracks of muddy footprints and copious puddles on her once clean floor, Kaoru sighed and threw the damp rag in her hand down in disgust.

So much for spring-cleaning.

A movement at the corner of her eye drew her attention and Kaoru wondered how she hadn't noticed Kenshin there earlier.

The lean, red-haired man was leaning against the doorframe of the open door looking out at the heavy rainfall that turned the world into shades of gray, his face was passive but the melancholy shadows in his eyes didn't escape Kaoru's notice and her heart ached for this mysterious warrior and his secret past.

She approached him on silent feet and tentatively placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Kenshin? What's wrong?" she asked softly, her voice mingling with the delicate sound of water on leaves and stone.

"You worry too much, Kaoru-dono" he replied, turning to her with that familiar carefree smile that hid so much.

Her hand clenched in the folds of his red haori, "Don't lie to me, Kenshin," she whispered drawing closer despite the distance he preferred to keep between them.

If he didn't crave her touch, the feel of her, so much Kenshin would have said that his hand rose against its will to stroke the long ebony strands that fell in rivulets to frame her face.

Answers came to mind, but none were the truth and so he couldn't say them to her. For a man like him, with a future stretched out lonely and deserted before him… the only thing he had to give her was his truth.

Even if it hurt her.

"Something has happened. I leave tomorrow." He said, his voice hardening but never against her, only against the pain he knew his simple words had delivered.

Her broken exhalation held the tinge of tears and suddenly both his arms were around her and her body trembled within his embrace. But she refused to cry.

"Will you be back?" she hated herself for asking, for placing another burden on him, but she couldn't hold back the desperate words.

He didn't answer, only tightened his arms around her. It was an answer of sorts and once Kaoru understood it she finally gave way to tears, her sobs muffled against his heart.

* * *

_**And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye…** _

The wharf was crowded and noisy, though every sound seemed dulled, either by the rain of by her own thoughts careening inside her head… Kaoru couldn't tell.

All around her ferry passengers disembarked, sailors called lewdly to each other across the wooden planked dock and fishermen hawked their wares in grating voices.

Ahead of her, Kenshin's brightly clad form was like a beacon that she could have followed if she were blind. Would follow anywhere, if only he'd let her.

He wouldn't.

Absorbed in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice him come to a stop and had to catch herself before she went careening into him. She needn't have bothered because in the next instant he had pulled her into an embrace that almost crushed the breath from her lungs.

Goodbyes to Sano and Yahiko had been said earlier, they didn't seem to understand the importance of Kenshin's journey and Kaoru had been too frantic to try and explain it to them… and hers would be the final farewell.

"I'll see you," Kenshin said against her cheek, his warm breath grazing her flesh caused a shiver to run down Kaoru's back.

Pulling away, she caught his violet gaze, '_Will you really, Kenshin? Then why does this goodbye seem like forever_?' her eyes revealed the words of her heart but she didn't dare say them aloud in fear of the answer.

Kenshin found himself drowning in the azure depths of her stare, they seemed to ting the gray sky of his world to shades of sapphire and indigo; he wondered if he looked long enough whether he would be able to see himself through her eyes.

She nodded, and as if that were permission, Kenshin picked up the small bundle of his belongings and wound his way toward his waiting ship… alone.

The drizzle that had threatened earlier that morning suddenly began and mingled with the tears on Kaoru's face.

Watching Kenshin board his ship, the distance between them seemed like an eternity and in that instant Kaoru felt as if a string tying their hearts together had been pulled taut. The cry she uttered then was the sound of her sorrow. She felt as if her flesh had been stripped away, leaving her soul exposed, and bleeding.

Gripping the skirt of her yukata in white knuckled fists she ran toward Kenshin, unaware of the pressing crowd as she dodged through couples and leaped over the crates littering the dock.

He turned to her and she hurtled into his open arms, releasing a sob of release when they closed around her. Frantically, her lips turned to him, pressing against his closed eyelids, his cheek, the corner of his lips, against his jaw.

His nostrils flared as he tried to restrain himself, find some control when she was so lost but the insistent promise of her body, straining and melding against his, was too hard to resist and with a defeated groan he touched his lips to hers.

His tongue teased the sensitive border of her lips and she gladly opened to him, her tongue caressing his as her lithe fingers tracing the loving contours of his face.

She gave him a lifetime of kisses, of soft touches and whispered phrases… and each took his heart further into her keeping.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Please let me know what you think about it so far Too much angst? Not enough angst? I'm actually trying to practice with angst since I'm not too good at torturing characters I like 66' It's a failing I know. Also, I've been obsessed with this song since I heard it and saw a really cool Farscape AMV to it, it's so romantic!

Anyway, I know this isn't really like a normal songfic since it's so long and I'm breaking it up into chapters... but there you have it! Please R&R!


	2. 2

**Standard Disclaimers Apply  
**Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

* * *

**When I Look to the Sky...  
**(A Songfic)

_**When it rains it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…  
**__  
**And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye…

* * *

**_

_**And as I float along this ocean  
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go…**_

Coarse waves shook the ferry; in his small quarters Kenshin shivered beneath the thin blanket a deckhand had provided, and tried to block out the sound of creaking wood and the dull murmur of other passengers conversing.

He knew his thoughts should be focused on the mission ahead of him; to think of anything else could be perilous. And yet he couldn't seem to get that final image of Kaoru out of his head.

She had been the most beautiful vision, standing there in the graying mist, her slippered feet poised at the very edge of the dock as if she would jump out to him if he gave the slightest indication that it was what he wanted.

Instead he's met her gaze steadily, their eyes unwavering from each other's until his ship disappeared, engulfed by the fog rolling over the dark waters.

His hand rose shakily to his lips, he knew it was his imagination but he could have sworn that the warmth of Kaoru's sweet, passionate, longing, loving kisses lingered there still.

Her last words to him echoed in his being, "I'll wait for you," she'd sighed the words against his lips just before she'd pulled away. She hadn't said it, she hadn't needed to because Kenshin knew she'd meant to say it… I'll wait for you _forever_.

"Oh, love," he said hoarsely, clenching his hands roughly in his hair, he stared blankly at the slightly mildewed ceiling of his cabin wishing he were the kind of man who could offer her forever.

* * *

_**When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright…**_

Kaoru wished he'd said something, anything to assure her, to let her know that he loved her. She _knew_ he did, it was a feeling you couldn't explain to someone who had never experienced it, but once you had it was unmistakable.

But women sometimes needed the words to remind them that hope still remained, the female heart was such a contradiction, resilient and yet fragile in its own way.

She walked back toward the city, winding her way through damp, isolated streets toward the Kamiya dojo. She didn't notice when another set of footsteps joined hers and looked up startled when a gentle hand touched her shoulder.

"Oh, Megumi. I didn't see you there," she said feebly, paying avid attention to her soaked socks, anything to postpone looking at the young doctor.

"It's all right, Kaoru, I already know. Ken-san is gone… but he'll be back," Megumi said with quiet conviction and her faith in Kenshin moved Kaoru, she looked up at the older woman mistily.

"How did you know?" she asked trying to keep her surprise out of her voice.

Megumi hid a smile behind her hand, "I know many things about Ken-san" she said mysteriously knowing that it would annoy the younger woman to no end.

As before, it worked like a charm and Kaoru's face flushed and angry pink. "Vixen," she muttered under her breath as she marched stiffly toward her front door.

Said vixen's laughter grew fainter down the street, and a small smile turned up the corners of Kaoru's lips. She knew what Megumi had been trying to do: get her mind off Kenshin's departure, and it had worked.

For now at least she still had work to do to maintain the dojo, and there was no time for indulging in self-pity and sadness. Plus, with the redhead rurouni gone, someone else would have to take over the laundry and household chores he usually did without complaining.

The image of his casual smile as he went around washing, cleaning… taking care of all of the, played in Kaoru's mind and solemnly she looked out at the weeping sky.

"Be safe," she spoke the heartfelt litany, her hands knotted together at her breast in desperate prayer. "Kenshin."

* * *

_**And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here…**_

"Kaoru," the sound of his own soft utterance woke Kenshin from a fitful sleep and he pushed himself up, long red locks tumbling loosely over his shoulders.

As if he'd planned it, just then the ferry came to a sudden stop, every timber plank shuddering with the impact of the boat sliding against its destination port.

Outside his door, Kenshin could hear the shuffling of feet as his fellow commuters made their way back up on deck. Quickly tying up his hair, he grabbed his bag from under the short, lumpy bed and pressed unobtrusively into the flowing line of those disembarking.

At first it seemed as if he didn't know where he was going, folk around him gave him wide enough berth once they saw the sword strapped to his side. Kenshin ignored the familiar whispers and stares as he strode toward the seedier side of town.

"Hey there, samurai-boy," a low feminine voice called out and Kenshin nodded distractedly at the brightly painted and garbed woman leaning against an open doorway.

Not to be deterred, the woman followed him, "You look like you could use a good time," she said suggestively drawing the collar of her florid kimono lower so Kenshin could get a good look at her _wares_.

Holding his hands out in a placating gesture Kenshin smiled, "No, thank you, Ma-am. _This one_ has some business to attend to."

Hearing such genuine politesse from someone who was obviously a samurai, the woman's eyes softened.

"Well, if you need a place for the night, you know where to find me," she said, her voice gentler now, no longer infused with the kind of sexuality many men craved, since she wasn't trying to acquire a customer for the night.

"Arigato," Kenshin said, truly looking at the woman for the first time. He was shocked at how young she seemed, practically a girl no older than Megumi or Kaoru.

Again, inevitably his thoughts had strayed to her. For once he didn't try to push them away, instead his memories flew back to the time in the streets when she had saved him…though she hadn't known it at the time.

"Here, please take this," Kenshin said abruptly reaching into his bundle to pull out a spare haori that Kaoru had made for him during the winter.

With trembling fingers the geisha took his shirt and draped the plain white cloth around her shoulders, "Arigato," she said with a shy smile that made her look even younger.

"Take care," he said, shouldering his pack again and starting back down the road. He didn't regret giving away something Kaoru had made for him, besides he didn't need it whereas the woman had been shivering in her threadbare clothes.

Plus… it seemed like something Kaoru would have done. This recognition drew a smile from him, it made her seem suddenly closer and the cumbersome stupor that had been weighing him down since he'd left the dojo was lifted.

As long as his journey led back to her, he knew where he had to go and what he had to do.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Aaanyway, yeah, nothing really has happened. Actually, I don't think anything much is going to happen here. This was supposed to be a short songfic but it's turning into this kinda long... thing > Anywhooo... yeah, no plot, just going along with the song and seeing what happens. If you have any suggestions, lemme know! R&R please


	3. 3

**Standard Disclaimers Apply_  
_**Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

* * *

**When I Look to the Sky..._  
_**(A Songfic)**_  
_**

_**When it rains it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…**_

_**And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye…**_

_**And as I float along this ocean  
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go…**_

_**When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright…**_

_**And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here…

* * *

**_

_**And every word I didn't say, caught up in some busy day  
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before…**_

"Giving up so soon, Battosai?" an angry voice said with derision.

Flecks of amber rose and burst like stars in Kenshin's violet eyes as he turned smoothly, his quarry finally within his sight. His reverse-blade sword hung lax by his side, all the more dangerous for its seeming carelessness.

"This one does not believe in giving up, Jiro," he said, his voice infused with a tranquil strength that struck his opponent's heart with a moment of doubt.

"Ha! Look at you, barely able to stand. I doubt even you would be able to last another round," the man named Jiro responded, his eyes darting to the blood seeping through Kenshin's fingers as the red-haired man clasped his ribs, where someone had managed a lucky hit.

"Looks can be deceiving."

Infuriated by his adversary's almost mocking composure, Jiro attacked head-on his blade thrust out in front of him as he charged.

Kenshin pushed aside the attack with a single jarring move and drove Jiro's sword from his hand. The weapon flashed in the air, an eerie flight, before it fell to pierce the floor with an audible thud.

"It is finished, Jiro." Kenshin said kindly, leaning on his sakabatou imperceptibly as the sharp pain in his side continued to drain his strength. "You should go home… your father misses you."

"That place isn't my home," Jiro said bitterly, and Kenshin heard the unhappy words of a man who was barely more than a boy.

"You know that isn't true."

"Isn't it?"

A gaze that held far too much cynicism for one so young, turned his way.

"Home isn't something that can be taken away from you. It resides wherever your heart is." Kenshin replied with quiet surety, and felt the truth of those words in his bones… in the beating of his heart.

No matter where he went, his home and his heart would always be with Kaoru.

What would she be doing right now, he wondered. The corners of his lips quirked upward, his eyelids fluttering shut as images of his dark-haired love sped through his mind.

He imagined her inside the dojo, practicing her art, her brow furrowed in concentration and the light of battle flashing in her azure eyes.

Though she didn't know it, Kenshin had often watched her exercise from the corner of his eyes as he'd washed the laundry or swept the floor; barely able to keep his eyes off her lissome body performing the oft-rehearsed routines.

Sometimes he had imagined joining her in that sinuous dance, watching her face flush as she moved around him, with him, her sweat-slick skin gleaming in the firelight and her breasts rising and falling with each rapid breath.

'Time for that later'. Isn't that what he'd always thought?

When he was with her he could believe that the idyllic life she had shown him could last forever.

But now, looking at the aura of loneliness surrounding Jiro like a tangible thing… all the words Kenshin had never said rose up within him like a flood threatening to pull him into a sea of regret forever.

And despite knowing how dangerous it was for people to get close to him… it suddenly seemed worth the risk.

He would never know what it was that first alerted him, but Kenshin opened his eyes in abrupt alarm just in time to see a blade point driving toward his wounded side.

The remembrance of Kaoru, still vibrant in his mind's eye must have made him slower than usual to get out of harm's way, for almost in slow motion he suddenly felt the foreign blade sliding into the burning flesh of his already open wound.

Two drops of blood fell to the floor, the red liquid seeping inexorably into the wood grain.

Violet-gold eyes tinged with pain followed the sword protruding from his torso to the trembling hands that held the hilt and then up to Jiro's horrified gaze.

In one fluid moment, Kenshin's body crumpled, the blade pulling free of his body in a long bloodstained arc.

The pain of the impact as he hit the floor was excruciating, but he didn't have the energy to protest. Instead, Kenshin looked up into Jiro's pale, shocked face, his eyes swimming as he tried to retain a hold on consciousness.

The sound of a sword clattering to the hard flooring was startling in the sinister calm, and Jiro fell to his knees, tears streaking his face as he clamped both hands over Kenshin's wounds trying to stem the blood flow.

"You'll be fine. It's all okay." Jiro repeated over and over like a mantra.

He should have realized earlier that the boy had never killed before. It seemed the deepest of ironies that the great Battosai had been felled by an unseasoned boy.

Kenshin wished he had something wise and prophetic to say to the youth; something to ease the pain of his first blooding. He knew more than anyone else how much it hurt to kill.

"Your father loves you."

Barely audible, those were the words Kenshin managed to gasp out. And his last thought before darkness overtook him, was regret that he had never told Kaoru how he felt… when he'd had the chance.

* * *

**_And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss  
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away…_**

A sigh. Trembling lips parting. Long black eyelashes, and the glittering tears gathered there. Falling finally, like stars, streaming over pale skin. Flashes of sensation in the moonlight. A touch. An embrace.

The body on the bed thrashed slightly as the hauntingly real images permeated his dream world, but it was the increasingly sharp throbbing in his side that finally awoke him.

The sight that greeted him was not what Kenshin was expecting.

He knew he wasn't dead, for even he figured the dead did not feel pain and the soreness of his whole body was too insistent for him to believe he was anything other than alive. But what was he doing in bed? Between clean sheets that smelled of spring days no less.

"Are you awake then, Himura?" a deep voice asked, it wasn't the boy Jiro's voice but both held the same inflection that informed Kenshin of where he was. He smiled serenely in welcome surprise.

By his bed, two figures sat side-by-side, backlit by a brilliant sapphire sky: Jiro, his eyes still anxious and by his side, an older man who looked too much like the boy to be anything other than his father.

Jiro fidgeted under the injured man's perusal but was stilled when his father put a large callused hand on his shoulder.

Kenshin nodded his approval but couldn't find the energy to form thoughts into words, so remained silent.

"You have brought my son back to me, Kenshin and I can never repay you for completing my family." Tears gleamed in the man's eyes as a poignant look passed between father and son.

"Thank you, Himura-san." Jiro spoke finally, reaching out to grip Kenshin's tightly.

That hand that had killed so many had finally been able to accomplish something praiseworthy and Kenshin squeezed back to bolster the lad.

He wanted to say that there was no need to thank him, but words seemed unnecessary and a voice was calling him back to the dream. With a serene smile, Kenshin drifted into a deep healing sleep.

When he came around for the second time, the room was empty, but an open window let in fresh air and he breathed deeply of the scented loamy earth and of sakura blossoms drifting on the wind.

Closing his eyes to ascertain the extent of his injuries, Kenshin realized that he was feeling much better, almost energetic in fact. With that thought in mind he pushed off the fluffy coverlet and strode to the window, letting the soft sunlight bathe his face with its comforting warmth.

The door to his chamber slid open and Kenshin turned, happy to see the face of his benefactor, Jiro's father, and head of the Nakamura Empire, who smiled back genially.

"Will you walk with me a moment?"

"Of course, Nakamura-san," the redhead bowed graciously.

"Please, call me Keitaro. After what you have done for me, and for my family, I think of you as a close friend." The elder said, waving away formalities as the two men strode through an empty corridor, outside to the extensive gardens.

They strolled in silence for some moments, the music of birdsong and the wind humming through the trees filling their ears.

Keitaro stopped in the middle of a miniature stone bridge and gazed down at the clear water rippling beneath his feet, its surface showered with pink flower petals.

Kenshin halted too, aware that the other had something important to say.

"Do you like it here?"

"Very much." Kenshin replied appreciating the loveliness of his surroundings. "It is a beautiful and peaceful place."

"Yes, it is." Somber eyes turned to the wounded warrior, "I know you haven't had a peaceful life, or a place to go to, to find that peace."

Well, that wasn't exactly true anymore, Kenshin realized thinking of the Kamiya dojo with a grin. But before he could reply the older man continued, "We are part of an older world, Kenshin. There is no place for us as these times pass us by."

A frown furrowed Kenshin's brow; did Keitaro really believe that? More importantly, were his words true?

"I want to offer you a place here with us, Kenshin… not as a guard or a servant, but as a part of this family that you have restored."

Earnest brown eyes met violet ones.

"I really made a mess of things with Jiro, ignoring him after his older brother died… I didn't even notice when he withdrew further into himself, because I felt just as lost. But I think that if you remain here, you can help Jiro… and me… not to make the same mistakes again. You are an honorable man, Himura-san."

Kenshin's hands tightened on the bridge's stone railing, till he could feel the rough grain imprint itself on his skin. The man looked so hopeful, almost pleading as he issued the invitation.

Keitaro was offering him what he'd always wanted, what he'd been searching for… yearning for ever since…But how could he accept now, when…

'_When what_?' he forced himself to ask harshly.

"What was that?"

For a second Kenshin feared that he might have uttered his thoughts aloud, but Keitaro looked only puzzled and Kenshin flashed his practiced smile.

"Your generous offer has left me speechless, Keitaro-san," he said slowly, allowing his gaze to wander, "but I need some time to think about it…"

"Of course," the older man said, though his voice implied he was already certain of a positive answer and beaming he ambled off.

Leaving Kenshin alone with his misgivings.

On the one hand there was Kaoru who might still be waiting for him. And on the other, was Keitaro's irrefutable offer.

He yearned for the first and wondered about the latter.

Did they still watch for his return? He questioned, but could not think of an answer dispassionately as the older man's words echoed mindlessly in his thoughts.

_Was there really no place for him in their world_?

And Kaoru… was there still a place for him in her heart? Something that had once seemed so certain was now riddled with doubt, and Kenshin was torn between an old promise and the new.

The two months since he had left Kaoru, suddenly seemed like an eternity. And the method of his departure… without a word of where he was going and why, without even a promise of his return…

There was only that last kiss that lay between Kaoru and himself, that instant in which he'd felt as if two bleeding halves had been rejoined before being ripped apart again.

Could he spend his whole life without never again knowing that feeling of utter completion?

Much later, as the sun set in trailing hues of pink and gold gilding the horizon, Kenshin paced slowly toward the house, yet uncertain if his answer would be to stay, or go.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

So, thanks go out to my lil' sister for suggesting the "have Jiro's dad invite Kenshin to stay with them" part of the plot of this erm… rather lengthy songfic. Even though it turned out to be _much_ harder to write than I had first supposed, and I'm afraid the point did get a little lost. Sorry ! I _was_ originally going to cut out the second verse before she suggested that. Gah! I need to practice doing 'one shots', I have a major problem with over-writing I think XP Please R&R

**Keitaro:** "blessed"

**Jiro:** "the second male"

* * *

**Reviews:**

**Paige: **Yay! hands Paige the 'first review' cookie Thanks! As long as people keep reading I'll keep updating! winkwink

**Starrydreamz: **Thanks!

**lady isil: **lol I'm notorious for being horrible at updating, but I'm going to try to go all the way with this one so please don't give up on me!

**Nel: **Is this a little something like your had in mind? I was actually trying for something short but it sorta went it's own way and what's a writer to do but follow? I'm trying to keep the theme of the song through the story though it's turning out to be harder as I go along. Thanks for reading! Hope you like the rest of it as much.

**Gabyhyatt: **Thanks!

**sRoze: **aww! I'm so glad I was able to convey all those emotions and that you liked it enough to cry! That means a lot to me.

**joshwolf: **Thanks so much!


	4. 4

**Standard Disclaimers Apply  
**Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

* * *

**When I Look to the Sky..._  
_**(A Songfic)**_  
_**

_**When it rains it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…**_

_**And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye…**_

_**And as I float along this ocean  
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go…**_

_**When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright…**_

_**And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here…**_

_**And every word I didn't say, caught up in some busy day  
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before…**_

_**And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss  
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away…

* * *

**_

**_Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plain overhead  
Instead it feels like it's impossible to fly…_**

"Will you stop running around like that, you're giving me a headache!" Yahiko's familiar refrain sounded yet again.

Kaoru paused momentarily to turn a narrow-eyed frown on the young boy before resuming her 'running around', as he'd put it.

"If anything is contributing to your headache, it's that freeloader's inability to do a simple job," she scowled, cringing as another shingle was replaced to the accompaniment of loud unnecessary banging. "I don't suppose you could do that without deafening the rest of us?" Kaoru called out loudly over the insistent hammering.

Up on the roof, Sano cursed under his breath and swung the wooden mallet as if it were a weapon rather than a tool. How had she convinced him to do this anyway?

"I'm just trying to tidy up the dojo… since nobody else seems to care that it's falling apart," she muttered, "some student you turned out to be."

"Hey!" Yahiko bristled, reluctantly picking up the broom that lay idly by his side.

For some time the only sound was that of the stiff bristles sweeping across the floor and Sano's vicious pounding overhead.

Kaoru paused in mending the shoji screen to admire the gorgeous weather they'd been having recently. The gloomy downpour of earlier months had finally relented and the sky had taken on a permanently clear and sunny disposition.

"I hope he's all right," she whispered to no one in particular, but Yahiko heard her despite the noise.

"He'll be fine, I'm sure he's on his way home even now," the youth said in a carefree voice and word… home… resonated in Kaoru's heart.

'I wish I could believe that,' she thought, but kept both doubt and misery to herself.

When night finally came, it was cool and calm. Crickets chirped their night song in the underbrush and suddenly needing to be alone with her thoughts, Kaoru sent the two work weary males to their beds.

"What about you? You should get some rest too," Yahiko said sympathetically, revealing a curious interest in her welfare as he rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"I'll go to bed soon," Kaoru said with tired smile that acknowledged his worry for her.

As soon as the lights in the back room went out though, the smile fell from her lips like autumn's last leaves, and she pushed through the outer door into her tiny courtyard.

Kaoru's heart was beating frantically as if she'd just run a race and she drew air into her lungs as if it were the first time she had ever taken a breath. No matter how deeply she inhaled, the feeling that she would never be full, complete, whole… did not leave her and involuntarily, she cried out.

The noise seemed obscenely loud in the night's stillness and Kaoru clamped a white knuckled hand over her mouth to muffle the dry jerking sobs that cleaved her body as she fell to her knees on the damp earth.

Much later, when Kaoru was sure she wouldn't awaken the others with the outpouring of her grief she slipped quietly into her room and into her lonely bed.

Grasping for some tangible sign that her fears were unfounded, her last unbearable thought before Kaoru settled into dreamless sleep was, '_Are you coming home_?'

* * *

**_But with you I can spread my wings  
_****_To see me over everything that life may send me  
When I'm hoping it won't pass me by…_**

He was going home.

Just the thought of it bought an extra bounce to his step and Kenshin could barely stand the confines of the small boat as he roamed the deck looking and waiting for that first sighting of land that would tell him he was so much closer to his destination.

The stiff, salty breeze whisked playfully through his long hair, whipping the loose red strands into a frenzy, and Kenshin reveled in a feeling of utter freedom and in the knowledge that he was no longer obligated to the Nakamura clan.

With that thought came a momentary stab of guilt. He hadn't wanted to let Keitaro or Jiro down, but in some sense he felt that it was the Hitokiri that had been tendered the clan's generosity and he was no longer that man.

Of course, there had been a few moments when he'd considered the generous offer to become part of their family. But when it had come down to it, he'd known innately that he could never abandon Kaoru, just as surely as he knew that she was still waiting for him despite his unvoiced fears.

One did not tear apart one family just to form another.

"Land ho!" a voice called out before being swallowed by the wind, but it was heard by enough that soon almost all the passengers were crowding the deck to catch a glimpse of the verdant island.

Kenshin smiled as the crowd chattered and flowed around him. In spite of his outer appearance of distracted amiability, his heart was thundering in his chest as he thought what it might be like to see everyone again.

Almost involuntarily, his mind ambled down the familiar path. Through Tokyo's market place that would be bustling with business at this time of day, past the Akabeko and the delicious aromas of sukiyaki, his feet would finally lead him to the Kamiya dojo.

Undeniably, they would all be genuinely pleased at his return. Yahiko would predictably bombard him with questions about his mission while Sanosuke would slap him heartily on the back, surely leaving a bruise, and proceed to tease 'Jou-chan' about not having to eat her cooking any more.

But the one he was most worried about was Kaoru. She would be the only one who would have doubted his return at all and while he wished that her misgivings were unfounded, their past had left its indelible mark on her.

And what would he do if he had changed her so much that she could no longer trust him? His heart almost stopped at that agonizing thought.

_No_… he had to believe that her faith in him would always be a constant in this capricious world. That no matter where he was or went… whenever he closed his eyes he would see Kaoru happy.

Whether it was in the kitchen, destroying another batch of rice with her cooking, or practicing with Yahiko, their exercises degenerating into a game of catcalls and chases. Or sometimes, when she thought no one was looking and she stared out dreamily, her clear blue eyes soft and limpid, gazing at visions only she could see.

The _true_ her that others could glimpse if they looked past her brusque exterior to the soft heart beneath, though they rarely did.

Inexplicably, in his mental picture he also saw himself, his pink sleeves folded up as he hung up fresh scented laundry in the flapping breeze, and he grinned wryly. More and more often he had started to think of himself as the housekeeper of their little family.

And he had never been more at peace.

Somehow he had entered Kaoru's unrealistically naive world, and now more than anything he wanted to make it a reality for her. For himself.

For them.

A place where she could be Kaoru and he could be just Kenshin. Not the Battousai. Not the Rurouni. Just Kenshin.

And together they would face every joy and every sorrow that life could send, and everyday count their blessings that the chance had not passed them by.

A shudder rocked the boat, startling Kenshin out of his reverie and giving a clear indication that his transportation had stopped. Around him the other passengers milled toward the plank that was already being lowered onto the dock and the slight redhead felt as if he were being carried along a river of people, till his feet finally touched dry land.

* * *

**And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me  
there you are to show me…**

It was nothing in particular that woke her that morning, not the chittering of the morning birds, nor the steady trail of footsteps winding their way down to the market place that had Kaoru sit up in a curious state of alarm.

Now she could make out the sound of Yahiko practicing, his exhalations and the whistle of his shinai cutting through the air. Kaoru smiled at the dedication her young student showed, his need to be the best, to be like Kenshin.

It was strange, but that morning, her heart did not ache at the very thought of him. Instead there was an intense sense of expectation, that feeling when you know you're supposed to remember something and it teases you at the corner of your mind.

Hurriedly, she washed up with a bowl of tepid water then went to her closet to get out the usual out fit she wore at the dojo. Her hands reached for the worn hakama and instead, brushed against the smooth silk of her new kimono.

Later, she couldn't explain what made her change her mind, but instead of pulling on her regular blue and white uniform, Kaoru found herself slipping into the luxuriant new robe and tying the obi around her waist in sure, practiced moves.

Once in the courtyard however, at the sight of Yahiko's animated exercises, she grew embarrassed. Why had she put on her new kimono when she hadn't planned on wearing it till the next festival?

"Going somewhere today, Jou-chan?" a familiar voice drawled lazily from the open main door and Kaoru suppressed a blush.

"I don't know…" she managed to stutter out, her eyes becoming vague as she tried to delve deeper into herself to find the meaning of her own actions.

"Kaoru?" Sano asked unsurely.

She looked up with sudden clarity, her eyes shining with a mixture of joy and relief. "He's coming home today," she whispered and at his look of shock she repeated it over and over till she was practically shouting.

Both Sano and Yahiko were overjoyed, "Did he send you a message? Why didn't you tell us, busu!" the young boy crowed but in her elation Kaoru didn't notice the familiar insult.

"Well, he didn't send a message," she explained as calmly as she could, averting her eyes, "but I know he's coming. He's coming back!"

The two men exchanged a worried glance.

"Kaoru…"

"Yes! It sounds crazy, but I know it's true! I know it here!" Kaoru said fiercely, her hand clenched over her heart and the two men couldn't find it in them to gainsay her.

"So, what's the plan?" Sano asked with forced heartiness. While he didn't truly doubt that Kenshin was going to return, he didn't think that a woman's heart was the best judge.

"You don't believe me do you?" Kaoru asked angrily, "well, I don't care, I'm going down to the dock to meet him!"

"Now, now, Kaoru," Yahiko said in a pacifying voice as if he were talking to a child… or a crazy person and Kaoru glared at him with fiery blue eyes.

Turning smartly, the pale green and gold of her kimono flared around her trim legs as she marched out toward the road. Another worried glance later, Sano and Yahiko found themselves trailing after her.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Wow, wasn't this plotline a revelation (lol) okay, I know I get no points for originality whatsoever but this _was_ supposed to be a short thing. If only I was able to stick to my original ideas! Sorry it took me so long to update with this chapter but my computer got taken away to the shop and I didn't even know about it until I went down one morning and it was gone! Anyway, this chapter is kinda boring as it is, I wanted it to be a have something more but I guess I got out of the groove or something because I can't remember and yeah... sorry if it bored you. However, comments and reviews are still very welcome so let me know what you think! Thanks!

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**Reviews: **

**Paige:** Oh, you should definitely listen to the song if you have the chance, it's so beautiful! Glad you like it Thanks for reviewing!


	5. 5

**Standard Disclaimers Apply_  
_**Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

* * *

**When I Look to the Sky..._  
_**(A Songfic)**_  
_**

_**When it rains it pours and opens doors  
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…**_

_**And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love  
That have to say goodbye…**_

_**And as I float along this ocean  
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go…**_

_**When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright…**_

_**And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here…**_

_**And every word I didn't say, caught up in some busy day  
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before…**_

_**And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss  
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away…**_

_**Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plain overhead  
Instead it feels like it's impossible to fly…**_

_**But with you I can spread my wings**_

_**To see me over everything that life may send me  
When I'm hoping it won't pass me by…**_

_**And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me  
there you are to show me…

* * *

**_

'_**Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright…**_

The landscape was so familiar that even the dusty path knew the weight of his feet, the direction of his destination. And yet Kenshin felt as if he were walking down this road for the very first time.

He ignored the whispers of the other travelers as they pointed, wide-eyed toward the sword strapped to his side because there was nothing he could do to ease their fear of it and him and what they represented together. But at the earliest opportunity he slipped off the main road, choosing a less traveled path that wound through a patch of woods toward the town.

The verdant canopy overhead provided a welcome relief from the glare of the noon sun and Kenshin was happy to listen to the rustling of his path through the tall grass mingle with the melody of bird calls.

When the dense underbrush gave way to tilled fields, Kenshin paused a moment and from his vantage could see the city running out before him in a growing patchwork of old and new buildings.

His sandaled foot rose to take a step, and stopped.

As if the breath had been knocked from his body, Kenshin wavered and fell backward against a nearby tree, his eyelids fluttering shut over the agony in his violet eyes. It had been a moment's hesitation, but _what_ was holding him back?

The aged wrinkles of bark, rough against the back of his neck and involuntarily, his hands clenched into trembling fists. He barely noticed until the nails bit into the skin of his palm and startled, he gazed down at his callused hands, watching the blood return to colour his flesh.

Vividly, the memory of one rain filled day assailed him, and the softness of Kaoru's hand in his when she'd turned to him with a look of such tenderness on her face, it had made his heart ache. Back then he'd told himself that he'd only let her hold on to him to steady herself.

He could admit, now, that he had been clinging to her hand as well, like a sailor clings to a rock during a storm, knowing it to be his last, desperate lifeline.

Dropping his arms to his sides, Kenshin turned his face up to the vast, cloudless sky. Sparkling clear and a depthless azure that no other colour could match, save one…

Ah, to look into those eyes again… to have her look his way and truly _see_ _him_… He would risk everything.

'_Kenshin_.' The memory of her voice whispered in his ear, calling out; welcoming him with a softness and warmth he wanted to wrap around himself like a cocoon. '_I'll wait for you_,' she'd said, and how could he bear keep her waiting?

Smiling, Kenshin stepped into the sunlight and strode toward the town with the intent steps of a man on a mission. And though the market was still busy he managed to maneuver his way through the crowd with a conspicuousness one might not have suspected of such a distinct character.

He passed the 'Akabeko' and would have walked right past Dr. Genzai's house if a familiar voice had not called out.

"Welcome back, Ken-san" Megumi said, a bright smile tilting her lips, "Weren't you going to say hello?"

Kenshin turned and smiled affably, running his hands through his red hair in embarrassment.

"Sorry, Megumi-san, I was just---"

She laughed, and the sound was no longer tinged with sorrow or regret, "I know what you were 'just'" she teased and Kenshin found himself at a loss for words.

"Go on," the young doctor said kindly, "I know she must be waiting for you."

Nodding his gratitude, Kenshin continued on, his gait steadily increasingly till he was practically running and it seemed like an eternity later that he pushed past the familiar wooden gate.

His smile froze and fell, and Kenshin had to concentrate to slow the erratic hammering of his heart as his harsh exhalations filled the unusual silence.

The place was empty. There was no Yahiko practicing in the yard, no Sano lolling on the deck and certainly no Kaoru watching for his return. He knew he shouldn't have felt so let down and his eyelids sank, hiding the burning disappointment in their violet depths though there was no one there to see it.

Of course, life wouldn't have stopped for them just because he'd been away, and he wouldn't have wanted it to, either! But his own certainties about his worth stirred vehemently, and without knowing where his feet would take him he found himself in the main dojo.

His hurt-darkened eyes landed on the calendar tacked to the wall and stilled. With trembling fingers, Kenshin traced the familiar numbers… the date when he had left.

"Kaoru…" the whispered escaped his lips and he could just imagine her sitting on the wooden floor and gazing at the small slip of paper that symbolized his leaving and her fears. In the most important ways, he knew, time had stopped for Kaoru. He should never have questioned that.

The redheaded rurouni headed for his room, knowing even before he slid open the door that things would be exactly as he had left them. Somehow he knew that Kaoru had not had the heart to clean it in his absence.

Well, at least it gave him something to do while he waited for their inevitable return, he grinned and began to collect the laundry. This time the certainty did not falter. Wherever they were, they would have to come home eventually, just as he had.

Kenshin knew that even if he were blind his heart would have led him back here.

Tying up his sleeves he allowed happiness to fill him as he settled into the familiar tasks of his home and his family.

* * *

__

And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here…

"Sorry, miss. That was the last arrival. The next ferry isn't due until tomorrow."

Kaoru looked up blindly at the kindly old man who had been addressing her, but barely heard his words.

_He hadn't come_.

She had been so sure of what her heart was telling her that she hadn't listened to reason, to her friends, to the reality of the situation. She knew that behind her, Sanosuke and Yahiko were speaking in low, troubled whispers. Probably worrying about what affect this would have on her mind.

'_It's not my mind you have to worry about_,' she wanted to scream at them… _it was her heart_. But no words would come. Kaoru nodded at the faceless man too mute and heartsick to do anything else.

"Kaoru, I'm sure he's still coming. Don't worry," Yahiko said awkwardly, and this time Kaoru didn't know if she had it in her to smile and comfort him. Her body bowed taut with the effort of holding herself together, she turned with as much dignity as she could muster to start back the way she had come earlier with so much hope.

"She'll be all right, kid. Don't worry," she heard Sano murmur to her young student but even the irony of his words weren't enough to rouse her from the veil of apathy that had descended on her.

The road was practically empty at this time of day, most people having gone home to be with their families so all Kaoru had to concentrate on was putting one foot ahead of the other.

"Um… Kaoru. Why don't you go on to the dojo, we'll see you in a bit," Sano's voice broke in suddenly and Kaoru looked up and noticed that they were in front of Dr. Genzai's office.

Despite her pitiable state, she did know what they were up to and for a moment her hollow, dulled eyes lit with fury. But the sparks died just as quickly as they rose and Kaoru just shrugged and watched the two men disappear inside the house.

When he came to her door, she hesitated and leaned against it without opening it. How could she face another empty night? And the same question again, how could she have been so wrong?

She had been so sure just that morning that he had returned, that feeling tying their hearts together stronger than any bond, more certain than any physical proof. Breathing deeply, Kaoru pushed herself away from the support of the door and straightened her back; she would not let the others see her as an object of pity.

When she walked into her courtyard, the first thing she noticed were the lines of clean laundry, shining damply in the fading twilight. A furrow marred her brow, she couldn't remember any of them doing the laundry earlier, but then maybe it had been Megumi cleaning up while the rest of them were away.

_Or maybe_… her heart hammered suddenly against her ribs, her blood pounding loudly in her ears. Pale fingers clenched spasmodically, crumpling the silky fabric of her kimono but she didn't notice as she raced toward the house with wings on her feet.

All but throwing the shoji screen open, her shoes clattering against the wooden floor as she walked down the empty hallway. Everything looked the same but there was something… something that her mind refused to believe but her heart acknowledged.

"Kaoru…"

A soft voice said from behind her and Kaoru froze. She had heard him saying her name just like that so often in her dreams. She wouldn't be able to bear it if this was just another of her delusions.

And then his warm, solid arms were enfolding her, pulling her lithe body against his where she fit perfectly as if that were where she belonged. The tears gave way then, flooding down her tears as a silent testimony to her awkward fears.

"Kenshin…"

She sobbed his name like a prayer, as if it were last saving grace of a dying man, and turned within his comforting arms, blindly reaching out to cup his cherished face in her palms while he did the same to her and Kaoru knew the wetness on her face was from both their tears.

Kenshin tasted the sound of his name on Kaoru's lips and reveled in the sweetness of it filling his mouth, seeping into his very soul. Their warm breaths mingled, their lips touching again and again in a litany of soft, yearning kisses, and they touched each other as if they had never felt anything so good as the touch of each other's skin and they never wanted to stop.

And more than that touch, more than taste was that feeling of homecoming as the restlessness in his heart quieted to beat in time with hers.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

And that's that! Woo! I finally actually finished something. Now that hasn't happened in a while :) I should actually be working on my final essay for school but hey, this is more important right? (please reassure me!) I'm not to sure about the ending, though, it seems a little contrived with the whole laundry thing but as we all know, Kenshin really is always doing laundry. Anyway, I hope you liked it, for what it's worth! And please, PLEASE REVIEW! Thankees!

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**Reviews:**

**SRoze:** sheesh, I knew I was predictable XD You totally called it! I hope you liked the reunion scene  
**Kiwi:** yay somebody who has actually heard the song! I know as soon as I heard the song I thought of them


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